We all want to find the love our lives, but let’s face it. Sometimes he’s standing right in front of us. More often than not we fail to see the signs because we’re too busy thinking (and thinking and thinking and thinking) that it becomes too much to bear.
It’s not always going to be obvious when someone is flirting with you. There are plenty of charmers in the gay community so it’s hard to tell at times. The real difference between those who are interested in the world and those who are interested in you is, in fact, you. When the baseline of his action begins with you, chances are you’re driving his intentions. So let’s talk about some clear-cut signs:
Let’s say you’re at a party where two guys are trying to make you laugh. One tells an obviously recycled joke that most people in the LGBT community might find funny while the other makes you laugh through spontaneity or by hitting your own sense of humor. Which one do you think is more forward with his attempts at hitting on you?
There’s a difference between humor fueled by charming the world and humor whose sole purpose is to make you laugh. Charming humor is general, typically about the atmosphere, life over-all or unspecified subject matter. If he skips all that and starts making jokes that target you, alone, chances are he’s trying to connect. It’s not the world he’s trying to impress anymore. It’s you.
We all know how much we love to tease each other when we’re out in the gayborhoods. Think about it. Whenever you really like someone, don’t you feel somewhat protective of them – even if it makes illogical? Someone might crack a joke about his shirt looking a hot mess and your first instinct is to say, “Awww. Stop. Leave him alone.” As the words come out you realize it wasn’t that serious to begin with. It’s the same idea. If he starts to say cutesy wutesy remarks that defend you, it’s likely he is concerned with your well-being. Why? Because he cares for it.
As much as we like to say we’re “above it,” most gay guys think about sex almost immediately whenever we meet a guy we’re interested in. Then comes the inevitable: Top, Bottom, or Versatile? When we really like a guy, sometimes we unconsciously try and figure out what “role” he prefers. Though sometimes the attempts are obvious, other times it’s just not. Use your head and try to see if his sex jokes or off-handed comments have a deeper intention.
Facebook isn’t just for “networking” anymore. Oh no. It’s a fabulous excuse to stay connected with whoever it is you’re trying to not forget you. Most likely he’ll regurgitate certain things you talked about the last time you spoke. For example if you were joking about going to work dressed as Huckleberry Finn one day, he might message you: “So how was work, Huck?” or something cute. At that point, it’s clear he didn’t add you for “networking” purposes.
You lock eyes with a hot guy across the room more than once, but every time you do he quickly glances away. We’ve all been there. Sure it can be a bit awkward, and yes it can happen accidentally. But one of the biggest slipups gay guys do is assuming it’s a mistake. What if it isn’t? We’re so quick to think it meant nothing that when it happens again we don’t bother investigating.
Let him check out the goods for a while, but whenever you lock eyes yet again, test it out. Don’t flinch away. Hold on to dear life no matter how awkward it feels, followed by a smile. You’ll find the answer soon enough.
There are the generic questions of “How are you?” and “Did you have a good weekend?” but the ones that truly set him apart are those that are about you specifically, like “Where are you from?” or “Why did you major in Psychology?” or “What do you like most about your job?” These are clear-cut signs that he’s trying to get to know you. The more personal questions he asks, the more information he can discover for later on when he sees you again. Don’t be shy to open up.
We all have a bubble. It’s ours and no one can bust through it. When you’re trying so hard to impress someone you can’t help but invade it – either physically or mentally. Sometimes a guy can be too intense with his deliver. That doesn’t mean he’s an a**hole or trying way too hard. Psychologically, whenever our brains are focused on a single task (the need to impress) it becomes less attentive on how we’re coming across or even our physicality in doing so (i.e. bubble popping). So check your bubble. If he’s not considering personal space, it’s clear his focus is too strong elsewhere.
We’ve all been in those moments where we’ve pretended to like things we have no idea about in an effort to keep the conversation going. “Yes! I LOVED that show!” or “Oh my god. That’s one of my favorite movies ever!” or “You like J.R.R. Tolkien? Aaaand when can we get married?” Yes it’s always awkward and we always regret saying it, but it’s clear our need to be liked has outweighed ourselves.
First you need to notice the difference between being liked and being accepted. Many people exaggerate their interests at parties and things in an effort to be accepted, but the trick is to look at what his intentions are. If his goal is to make himself look better in a self-performing way, chances are he’s trying to impress the room. But if he’s trying to relate to you, it might be only you he’s interested in.
There’s a difference between someone who’s nervous and someone who’s downright giving you the cold shoulder. I think we all know it. Nervous guys show it physically while cold-shouldered ones ignore you altogether. Here’s the thing. When we like someone we tend to get nervous around them. That’s normal! If he’s clearly shy about making moves, don’t hold it against him. It might mean he’s scared to show his real self out of fear you might reject it. Make him feel comfortable, and allow the nerves to run away. But never judge nervousness as a sign that he’s uninterested, in fact it’s probably one of the major flags.
He could be super sensitive around his friends, but when he’s around you he tries to have a stronger shell. Same thing can happen in reverse. He might be much more rugged or macho around the people in his circle, but when you bring out something emotional in him. Whatever it is he’s trying to put on a mask he thinks will win you over. If I were you, I’d give him a taste of his own medicine and start inspiring him to be just as he is with everyone else. This, no doubt, will relax him much more.